(cont.)
I heard about St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross and St. Therese of the Child Jesus. They were cloistered, hidden in solitude and silence. They became great mystics but they were also great missionaries. They simply allowed God to possess them, but not without being conscious of their own imperfections, not without their tears and struggles, not without the dark nights and the cross. I love to think of them, of their zeal for the Lord and for souls. And I am inspired to follow in their footsteps. Like them I dreamt of the pearl of great price, and I wanted to find it in Carmel. But first I must learn the value of detachment, which is never easy. I have to sell everything I possess, everything I like, everything comfortable and easy.
My family had a little business in the heart of the city. Even in my young age, I used to sit at the cashier’s desk to receive payments and to count money. I was living a comfortable life, full of zest for the business we were into. Then curiosity of the things which are religious just entered into my world. There in our little store I met Sisters from different Congregations doing errands for their community. Since I was very friendly I made conversations with them and before I knew it, there was some longing in me of a taste for religious life. It was creeping into my young heart slowly but firmly. Perhaps God sent them to me, I would tell myself. There was quiet joy every time I think of this. The pearl of great price was beginning to haunt me.
And so, I set out, despite the objections of my family, especially my father, to search for my heart’s desire. I entered Carmel without the permission of my father but the community decided to send me back home. Was it not God’s will for me to be in Carmel? I could only submit humbly to my seeming failure but the restlessness never left me. The pearl of great price was a haunting melody. I did not give up! The second time I run away from home, nothing could stop me. Or perhaps it was the work of the Lord . . . this nostalgic call to detachment which was echoed by the Prophet Hosea: “I will allure her and bring her into the wilderness and speak to her heart.”
To be continued tomorrow. To read the first part (My Testimony... Part1), click and read here.
תגובות